Parents Share The Most Illogical Breakdown Their Child Has Ever Had
Children are illogical beings. It’s not their fault, though; they simply haven’t developed mentally to the point where they can think everything through properly. This means that children sometimes get upset over strange and nonsensical things. The most seasoned parents know to prepare themselves for the epic tantrums that can happen at any moment.
The following stories are just a few examples of the many odd things that can make a child flip. While some of these might be frustrating to read, we have to remember these kids are just being, well, kids.
Necessary Audience
My son was upset because I wasn’t there while he was throwing a tantrum in front of his grandpa. He was putting his face in the carpet, kicking his feet, and fake crying when he realized I was missing.
So he came upstairs, grabbed my hand, positioned me next to grandpa, and got right back into meltdown mode. He would look up every so often to make sure we were still watching him. I asked my dad what initially set him off. He said he shut off his favorite TV show.
The Great Garden Beyond
My child has a thing for pumpkins. She loves them. Names them. Puts them in timeout. Sleeps with them. We bought her three small pumpkins in October, and by the end of January, they were getting a bit soft… She no longer sleeps with them. I can dispose of them, right? Wrong. Cue huge meltdown when I try to quietly throw one away. I was expecting the talk about what happens when pets die, but no one prepared me for the “where do gourds go when they die” discussion.
Spaghetti Returned
When my daughter was three, she was making pretend spaghetti in her play kitchen while my brother and sister-in-law were over visiting. She offered my brother a Disney Princess plate of said pretend spaghetti and he began “eating.” Cue my daughter’s face going from a smile as she watched him eat the spaghetti to that deep frown that all parents know is a precursor to a meltdown. She began sobbing uncontrollably and said, “He ate ALL of the spaghetti! There’s none left!” Nothing would console her until my brother asked, “Do you want me to throw the spaghetti up?” She nodded, and my brother pretended to vomit the spaghetti back on the plate. Her tears immediately stop and she’s all smiles again, happy to have her pretend spaghetti back.
Puffs Of A Different Color
His cereal was the wrong color. He asked for Cocoa Puffs. I gave him Cocoa Puffs. He threw himself down on the dining room floor howling, kicking, and yelling. He didn’t want them to be brown. He then hid under the high chair yelling and hitting the wall for a good 20 minutes before he suddenly got up, sat down at the table, and calmly ate his bowl of incredibly soggy brown Cocoa Puffs.
No Elmo Without Big Bird
My two-year-old is obsessed with birthday cakes right now. He loves looking at them so I search #birthdaycake on Instagram and let him scroll through them.
Yesterday, we were scrolling through cakes and he spotted an Elmo cake. He asked to see a Big Bird cake also. I told him there wasn’t one, not thinking much of it until he lost his stuff. I have learned it is unacceptable for there to be an Elmo cake without a Big Bird cake. It hAs been more than 24 hours and he hasn’t forgotten.
Not A Magic Blanket
At 2 a.m., my 2-year-old woke up due to a bad dream. He asked his mother to put the blanket up as to cover him with it. She proceeded to do so, and then he yelled: “NOT LIKE THIS, LIKE THIS!” He held the blanket six inches above his body. He expected my wife to be able to make the blanket float six inches above him for the entire night. Thirty-minutes of crying later, he conceded that he had lost his fight against gravity and passed out.
The Mysterious BIV
Earlier today, I was driving to the store and from his car seat in the back, my toddler yelled at me, “I want the BIV!” He then proceeded to melt down about the “BIV”. I attempted to figure out what in the world he was talking about but had no luck. “What is a BIV? I don’t know what you are talking about. Can you point at it? What is a BIV?” He paused for a moment, then admitted reluctantly, “I forgot the word.” I still don’t know what he was talking about.
Going Down
Elevators. My kid thinks people get on them to end their lives! We rode one up and down and she screamed the entire time. I just don’t get it. She yells at people not to get on the elevator! She screeches and is terrified if someone she loves gets on one.
I Want The Dad With The Lemur
My two-year-old wanted a cartoon character on his favorite TV show to be his dad. When his real dad came home from work, he got all angry because he didn’t want to call him daddy anymore. He wanted the TV dad to be his real dad because the TV dad had a pet lemur.
Anyway, this went on for weeks. My son would throw a fit when his real dad tucked him in, played with him, gave him a bath, or read him a story. He wanted the TV dad to do these things.
No Travel, Only Arrive!
Every morning I would ask my two-year-old, “Do you want to go to the park?” He would say, “Yeah! Play dirt!”
“Okay, go to the door for your shoes and jacket,” I’d tell him. Then he would say, “No! Stay home!”
“But don’t you want to go to the park to play in the sandbox?”
“Yeah!”
“Okay, so we need to go get your shoes and get in the car”
“No!”
A full meltdown follows. We repeat this exchange for another five minutes until he realizes that we can’t both stay home and go to the park simultaneously.
Instant Sock Regurgitation
I pretended to eat his sock. When I showed him it was behind my head, he complained that it was all gross and covered in food bits. Then he threw it in the trash, went to his room and cried into his pillow.
Can’t Do It, I Quit
My three-year-old Ruth was coloring furiously at her table. I noticed she was getting more and more animated with her movements. I asked her, “Ruth, are you okay?” She replied, “I’m trying to draw a heart but it’s not working!”
“Do you want me to help you?” I asked. “NO!” Furious scribbling continued. Then, MORE SCRIBBLING. MORE MUMBLING. MORE HUFFS!!!
Finally, she chunked her crayon across the room and slammed her hands down on the little table. “I CAN’T DO IT!!! I AM SO DONE WITH THIS DAY!!!” Hysterical wailing sobs came from her as she ran down the hallway, arms raised above her head flapping in the wind. Funniest stuff I’d ever seen.
Almost Time For The Next One
She just started crying and said I broke her heart. After asking a few times and calming her down, she told me it was because I ruined her birthday. Her birthday had been like eight months before. I tried asking her how I ruined her birthday, but those were the only two sentences she would say.
Real Doctor For Real Booboos
My two-year-old loves the show Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood, which is a cartoon show about a tiger who lives in Mr. Rogers’ Land of Make Believe. Anyway, the doctor who lives in Daniel Tiger’s town is called Dr. Anna. In the show, Daniel has visited Dr. Anna several times.
Whenever my daughter is hurt (even just a bump) she asks to see Dr. Anna. When we try to tell her she’s not real, she cries hysterically and says, “Dr. Anna is real! Go see Dr. Anna! We need to go to Dr. Anna’s house!” I can’t seem to get it through to her that she can’t go visit a cartoon doctor.
This One Isn’t Green
Her paintbrush wasn’t green. Mind you, there was a green paintbrush available within reach, but the fact that the one in her hand wasn’t green was a problem. She did eventually relent and decide it was okay to just pretend the red one was green.
Snakes Can’t Hug
I took her to the zoo last summer. We went to one of the “encounter” demonstrations where they let kids touch and learn about animals. After the lesson on snakes, the workers started to walk around holding various snakes for kids to see up close, pet, and hold. Well, she gets her turn and has a little snake placed in her hands. She uses a finger to gently pet it, then she starts to cry. I ask her what’s wrong and she is sad because snakes don’t have arms and can’t hug each other. The rest of the day she kept asking me to help the snakes learn to hug.
A Logical, If Far-Off Fear
One of my toddlers is very upset about mortality. She keeps melting down saying, “I don’t want to pass away. How will I talk? How will I eat?” Then she starts screaming. But I guess it’s pretty logical, mortality sucks.
Everything You Do Is Wrong
My daughter asks, “Daddy, open my drink.” I twist off the top. She yells, “NO! I wanted to open it!” I tell her not to cry and to place the cap back on top so she can be the one to pull it off. Then she goes, “NO, you didn’t open it!”
Confused, I say, “You asked to open it.” She tells me, “No I wanted you to hand it to me!” I hand it to her. Sobbing, she says, “DON’T HAND IT TO ME.” I ask, “Do you want me to hand it to you or not?” “NO!” she says. So then I tell her, “I’ll place it down right here on the counter then.” Shoving it away, she yells, “NOT LIKE THAT!” 15 minutes pass with her crying on the floor before she starts to calm down.
Do And Don’t Want It
My two-year-old recently asked for a rice cake, which I gave him. Cue his absolute fit: “NO RICE CAKE! NO RICE CAKE!!” He was screaming, crying, hitting himself—the whole shebang. My best guess is he wanted the rice cake but also didn’t want it and was furious that I’d not met either of those conditions. Schrödinger parenting at its best.
Get Your Own Moon
My two-year-old absolutely lost it in the car because her sister was “looking at her side,” and then “looking at her moon.” Yes, she claimed the actual moon. Toddlers are fun.
The Ponies Are His
He enjoys My Little Pony. However, my wife and I are not allowed to refer to it as “My Little Pony.” He can say My Little Pony, but my wife and I must refer to it as “Your Little Pony” or he loses his little mind. It’s adorable in the worst possible way.
There Is No Cookie
My two-year-old son heard my wife crumble up a receipt in the car and for the next hour, he lost his mind. He thought we had a cookie and that we were holding out on him. No amount of explaining could fix the situation.
It Moved!
My two-year-old daughter has one of these mechanical dogs that move and make noise if you press a button. So every now and then, she’ll come to me with it, so I activate it. If I do, she gets super scared. She’ll literally scream and run away from it. But if I turn it off, tantrum time. What do you want from me, tiny human?
Bubbles In The Wrong Spot
Tonight she went into a screaming rage because all the bubbles in her bubble bath were behind her. When I leaned over to scope the bubbles to the front, she slapped me. She’s 18-months-old, I’m afraid of what the terrible twos will hold.
All The Better To Diagnose You With
My three-year-old asked, “Why do doctors have eyes?”
I asked to clarify: “Eyes? Or ice?” He said, “EYES!!!!”
I responded, “Because they are human beings?” Still frustrated, he said, “No! Why do they have eyes!?!?”
I told him, “So they can see?” Then he went, “No! Why?!?!”
Like, what answer do you want man? The question doesn’t even make sense! I don’t even want to admit how long this went on.
Apple Bath
Yesterday, our youngest son had a meltdown because I wouldn’t let him pour his apple juice on the cat. I saw him start to do it so I grabbed his cup, and he just looked at me with a mixture of anger and sadness. Our cat is amazing with children but even she wouldn’t appreciate an apple juice bath.
Disappearing Favorite Sock
My three-year-old daughter started her Friday morning off with a five-minute meltdown because I couldn’t find the sock that had fallen off of her foot overnight. When I offered her a fresh pair of socks she cried even harder.
A Fart Wasted
He loves being tickled. I was tickling him one day and he let out a huge fart. Then, suddenly he started crying and screaming. I asked him why he was so upset he replied, “I was saving that for later.” How and why would you save a fart?
Melting Down Over Pregnancy Diet
When my nephew was a toddler, he asked my sister if she drank soda while she was pregnant with him. She said that she did have a glass or two and he freaked out. He cried for an hour because he said: “Babies can’t drink Dr. Pepper, it’s not healthy!” They got him settled down and he asked if she ate Cheez-Its while she was pregnant. She said “Oh no. Babies only drink milk so I didn’t eat Cheez-Its.” He cried harder because “I would have probably liked to have some Cheez-Its!” Meltdown for another hour.
You Killed Turkey!
I blew up a glove to make a balloon and drew a turkey face on it. My two-year-old screamed hysterically, “MAKE IT NOT A BALLOON!!!” So I poked a hole to let air out. My two-year-old then rage screamed for 40 minutes, “NO NO NO…THE TURKEY, THE TURKEY IS DEAD! NO!”
The Wrong Burrito
My son wanted me to wrap him like a burrito for bed. So I did. Then, he was upset that I wrapped him like a bean burrito. “I want to be a chicken and rice burrito!!”
Schrodinger’s Undies
I spent my morning convincing my four-year-old (who had just had an accident) that, no, he could not both wear and not wear the underwear he had made a mess in. He wanted to wear them because they had his favorite superheroes on it, but he didn’t want to wear them because they were soaked. He eventually lost the battle with quantum physics, too.
I Know So I Can Teach You
My five-year-old wanted to learn how to do a cartwheel. She wasn’t able to master it immediately, so started to break down. I asked if she wanted me to do one so she can get a better idea of it. So I did a cartwheel. She cried because I could do a cartwheel. “HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO ONE?!?!” She eventually got the hang of it… kind of.
Wet And Dry
She lost her stuff because she wanted to take a bath and not get wet. She decided to spend 20 minutes crying until I offered to play with her in a dry tub. She then wanted me to turn the water on so her bath toys would have more fun.
Drive-Thru Revelation
My daughter and I were getting ice cream from a drive-thru. All of a sudden, she started crying hysterically about how she doesn’t want to “be long.” I tried to figure out what she was talking about, and she pointed to her feet. Then, it clicks. I asked her, “Do you mean long like me and mommy?” She said, “Yeah, I like being little!” She didn’t want to grow up and be boring like an adult. Wisdom beyond her years, that one.
The Sad Meal
My daughter was maybe three at the time and I was taking her to McDonald’s. I asked her if she wanted a Happy Meal and she said no because she wasn’t happy. I tried to tell her that it was just called a Happy Meal but she wouldn’t have it. She couldn’t eat a Happy Meal if she wasn’t happy. I felt like the worst parent ever ordering Sad Meal for my daughter at the counter.
Stealing From Herself
My daughter just turned two and is in a “mine!” phase. She had a toy in one hand and yanked it away from her brother saying “mine!” She grabbed the toy with her other hand and proceeded to scream “NO MIIIINE!” at her own hands as they pulled in opposite directions.
Baby Feeder
When we brought our new baby home, my son asked to feed him. I offered to make a bottle for the baby and he began to cry hysterically. When I asked him what was wrong, he wailed: “I want to feed the baby, I have nipples mom, I HAVE NIPPLES!”
Imposter Syndrome For Houses?
We are driving home from pre-school. Entering our neighborhood, he said, “YOU SAID WE WERE GOING HOME.” I replied, “We are.”
“NO THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE!” he screamed.
I told him, “I know, but we are driving there.”
He insisted, “THIS ISNT THE WAY TO MY HOUSE.”
We pulled up to the house and I said, “See child, we are here.”
“THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE!”
He cried for 15 minutes as I tried to prove it was his house. Nothing worked. I actually became paranoid that this was not his house and that I was in some strangers house with the same pets. The child got to my head.
I Want The One I Didn’t Want
I offered her a granola bar after she’d been asking for 20 minutes. She immediately got angry, saying she didn’t want one anymore. It was already open, so being a hungry mama, I took a bite. Cue hysterics about how it was hers and she wanted THAT ONE.
Chocolate On The Donut
I gave my two-year-old half of a chocolate-covered doughnut. She proceeded to eat only the top half with the chocolate. After finishing only the chocolate, she ran up to me asking for more chocolate. I told her, “No, I can’t add more chocolate.’ She then laid down on the floor crying, touching the top of the doughnut saying, “More, more,” over and over for 10 minutes.
How Many?
Yesterday while driving, my toddler asked, “Dad, how many is Sarah (his older cousin)?” I responded, “How many years old? She’s 11.” He then said, “No, how many is Sarah?” Confused, I asked, “How many what? Do you mean how far away she lives?” At this point, he was furious. “No, how many!!!”
I told him, “I’m trying to answer bud, try to be calm.” So he said, “No you’re not, you’re trying to make me mad!” I assured him, “I don’t want you to be mad, I just don’t know what your question is.” Red-faced and enraged, he asked, “I SAID HOW MANY IS SARAH?” I paused, then respond, “She’s nine, buds.” “THANK YOU!”
Believe Me, I Didn’t Want It
I was drying off my three-year-old after his bath. He farted when my face was about four inches away from his butt. He laughed and said, “I farted.” I said, “Yeah I know, I can taste it,” while basically gagging. He said, “No mommy, I don’t want you to eat my farts! They’re mine!” He started crying.
Yeah, I wasn’t too keen on it either kid. My husband, of course, thought it was hilarious and started cracking up. This naturally made the three-year-old cry even more.
Technical Truth From A Toddler
My daughter was insistent on warming her food up in the refrigerator and began getting angrier and angrier with me for suggesting she meant to say the microwave. We’re going back and forth for a few minutes, then she’s screaming at this point: “I want this to get warmer in the refrigerator!” Finally, I screamed back, “The microwave makes things warm! You cannot make things warmer in the refrigerator!” In the most matter of fact way, she turned her nose up at me and said, “You can if it’s frozen” and went on her way.
When Acting Becomes Reality
My niece doesn’t explode often, but when she does, it’s always rather memorable. The last time was no exception. She’s got quite the imagination and always comes up with these fantastic worlds. But ever since my grandma died (her great grandma), she’s taken the lesson of death and deals with it by applying it in some way to whatever she’s pretending to be. We’ve agreed that it’s okay that she understands how death works. Her take on it is giving purpose and backstory to other characters. She gets it. Usually.
One afternoon, I got to be the librarian, and get her a book every time she’d hop on over. I pick it up, give it a scan, plop some imaginary stamps into the front cover, hand it off, and away she goes into the corner. Easy enough of a game; it gets her looking at all the pictures in books, and gives me several minutes between each go. She then says, “Okay, now, pretend that…” she thinks for a second, “pretend that your brother, he, he DIED.” Oh boy. Here we go. Sure I guess. Now, it’s not fair from my perspective because we’re in a thread where the ending to every story is inconsolable mental trauma of a child; it’s understandable to demand better foresight on my part. But I just went with it, keeping the fairly easy game going, and so when she comes in, I say to her, “Well, I’m afraid there’s been a terrible development, and I’ll need to close early today. Feel free to pick a book, I must attend to my family, for my poor brother has succumbed to farty butt disease.” She snapped, “MY DADDY IS DEAD!?!?”
In a blink, fiction merged into reality. When her dad came in to make sure she didn’t deglove an appendage (an appropriate assumption with all the shrieking), she responded to his ethereal entrance by imagining herself into a horrifying religious experience with the great beyond. Her dad spent 10 minutes trying to convince this wailing four-year-old that he was not a ghost.
